"I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you."
Sounds about right, I guess.
Now, let me draw your attention to two key parts of these vows...
First, marriage is a covenant before the Holy God of the Universe. Only death releases a party from a holy covenant, hence the part of the vow that says, “till death do us part.” Therefore, in God’s eyes, marriage is a lifelong promise. Period.
“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.”
— Luke 16:18
Second, there’s the promise within the wedding vow that says, “for better, for worse.” Now, this is where things get “interesting” nowadays. I’m wholly convinced that some people getting married in the eyes of God are doing so in violation of the covenant itself. If a person is in breech of said covenant while they are declaring it, how can they ever hope to abide by it? They are at a great risk of being miserable. Allow me to explain.
Suppose a person agrees to marriage, but in their heart they have wittingly included, though not verbalized, an “out” that says, “If this person doesn’t measure up, I’m going to divorce them and move on.” That’s not a covenant, that’s a lie. That’s more like hedging a bet on a “hot stock” on Wall Street than entering into a marriage. As in the case of a bad investment, this person will simply dump the stock (divorce their spouse) when it fails to meet expectations.
What happened to the “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health” part of their wedding vow? The truth is that it never really existed in their heart. However, in the eyes of God, the covenant was made “till death do us part.”
Many people marry in the eyes of God without regard for the completeness of the covenant they vow to. Marriage involves a whole person, not just the parts that are so-called “desirable” (God knows many of said parts sag over time - LOL). A person who says, “First time is for love, second is for money” is a complete buffoon. When I was a waiter, I listened to a woman say, right in front of her husband who just sat there like a beaten down donkey, “If I had to do it all over again, I’d marry for money.” I was flabbergasted, but the husband just feigned a sheepish grin. To this day, it still bothers me.
I fear that “whole people” aren’t vowing to marry “whole people”; rather, it appears that marriage is being treated more like a business contract, where one party agrees to fulfill a finite number of duties for the other, and vice versa. If one party fails to fulfill their part of the contract, the contract is null and void, and therefore divorce is imminent. That’s not the holy covenant, “till death do us part.” That’s something entirely different, yet it is the normal attitude going into marriage nowadays.
What’s the point I’m making? Am I trying to make divorcees feel guilt or shame? Not at all, I’m just saying that when it comes to covenants made in God’s eyes, “God looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). If a person cannot accept the whole person they are considering as their spouse, then they ought not be married. Too many people rush into holy matrimony without regard for the way God sees it, as a covenant.
Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few. For the dream comes through much effort and the voice of a fool through many words.
When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.
Do not let your speech cause you to sin and do not say in the presence of the messenger of God that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry on account of your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For in many dreams and in many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God.
— Ecclesiastes 5:2-7
The greatest marriage of all time is that which is ordained between Jesus Christ and His Bride, the Church. Consider His own promises to us, members of said Church. Consider that He has already agreed to our hand in marriage, knowing full well how awful, wretched, and unfaithful we would be to Him. While He is the perfect Husband, we are terrible wives. And yet, since we are covenanted to Him, He never divorces us! Amazing, right? Well, that’s our prototype example for marriage.
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
— Ephesians 5:28-31
Wedding vows involve two whole people in the eyes of God, just like whole people are involved in the wedding between Christ and His Bride. We don’t get just a part of Him and He doesn’t get just a part of us - we get all of each other! The holy marriage covenant is something that cannot be broken until death of one or both of the parties. This is why earthly marriages do not persist in Heaven (Matthew 22:30).
The key point the Spirit’s making here is one that He’s been making from my pulpit as of late.
God deals with whole people, not bits and pieces of them. When He betrothed His Church to His Son in eternity past, He saw each of us as individuals, saving those whose whole person was willing to enter into said marriage. He doesn’t say, “Oh, look at that person there, they’re really nice...or they are pretty...or rich;” rather, He says, “Are you, the whole you, willing to marry my only begotten Son on my terms? Are you willing to enter into this covenant? For you must enter as a whole person, not half-cocked or half-hearted or under the inferior premise of a business contract.”
Nobody’s perfect except God. However, imperfect people can indeed make holy covenants in His eyes that bind themselves “till death do they part.”
If you’re not married, then think long and hard about your prospects, knowing that God expects you to accept all of a person, “for better, for worse” throughout the remainder of your natural life. If that’s not something you can live with, then don’t get married. And just some parting words of wisdom...never enter into a marriage assuming the other person is going to change in a way that is agreeable to you. There’s a good chance that, given the fact that the human flesh gets worse over time, that your spouse may never change, but rather worsen!!!...but I’ll leave that for another day...
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins
