If experience has proven anything to me it’s that I fail more than I succeed. When I was young, I never thought this would be something I’d concede as a fifty-five-year-old man, but it is true. And I’m glad about it. Let me explain why.

I’m a lifelong learner. However, I don’t necessarily learn from situations that come easy to me, except that I may be good at something, of course. I won’t bore you with any of that, though (besides, that list is much shorter and less meaningful to me). Being naturally good at something is fine, but what value is that to a believer?

For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?
- 1 Corinthians 4:7b

As believers, we ought never be boastful of what God has endowed us with. We should certainly look to use it to God’s glory, but that’s about it. And that’s not the point of this blog, anyway, so let’s just throw that right out.

As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.
- James 4:16

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.
- 2 Corinthians 11:30

So, big deal, you’re good at something that came naturally to you. Should the world be impressed? Should you? Nope, just use it to God’s glory and press on. Besides, there’s an abundance of opportunity to grow in leaps and bounds elsewhere in your life!

Here’s a great example. Suppose you’re married to a jackass. You married them with some vision in mind of what you thought you could “help” them become somewhere down the line. You married them on a pipe dream because you were in a rush to get married and start a family in order to realize that “dream” you’ve had in your head since you were a teenager – you know the one with the white picket fence, the 2 kids, and the obedient pets? Good luck with that!

So, it turns out this jackass refuses to change for you. You’d swear that you’d have an easier time moving a twenty-ton boulder (the prospect of transforming your spouse is the very definition of futility, you see). And for a time, you are furious with them. It’s gotten to the point where the “d” word has even crossed your mind a time or two. But you don’t want to give up (God doesn’t want you to, either - “For I hate divorce, says the Lord the God of Israel” – Malachi 2:16a). You’ve pushed so hard for so long that you’re exhausted. You finally give up, deciding the endeavor is futile.

Congratulations! That’s the whole point!!! You’re supposed to arrive at futility when you try to do God’s job for Him. You have never, and will never, change another human being (even if they tell you that you have). Only God has that power. The human flesh will continue to function in a way that advances its own selfish causes. Accept it.

When you realize that futility has become your teacher, you’re finally getting somewhere! You’re finally learning. We call this sanctification.

Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.
- John 17:17

The truth is that there’s more hope for you in trying to push against that twenty-ton boulder than there is for you trying to change another person’s nature. So, futility teaches you not to take on a workload that isn’t yours (especially when it’s God’s). Think about how much pain and suffering this saves you in the long run.

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.

But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
- Ephesians 4:17-24

Of course, marriage is only one example of the point the Spirit’s making here. Life is filled with hard lessons God has planned for us. In my case, I’ve been both a slow learner and an eager one. Some might say I’m a glutton for punishment; but I say God’s taught me to embrace my failures because that’s when I’ve learned the most. Furthermore, I can’t think of a more prominent part of my life where this rings true than in my personal relationships with others. For years, it was a difficult task to fully let go of God’s work in others (I even suffered from this as it pertained to my congregation). I also learned along the way that my so-called “good plans” for others rarely looked like what God had in store for them.

We can only do our duties. That’s as good as it gets. God controls the outcomes (e.g., 1 Corinthians 3:6). When you slip into trying to control others, for example, you set yourself up for yet another lesson in futility. The good news is that each lesson has intrinsic value in God’s eyes and contributes to your sanctification.

The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.
- Ecclesiastes 12:13

Love in Christ,

Ed Collins