Have you ever played the party game, “Would You Rather”? It’s a conversational game that multiple people play which usually ends in a lot of contorted faces, chin scratching, and laughs (hopefully). The game is played by posing a dilemma in the form of a question beginning with “would you rather”. Typically, the dilemma is either between two good options or two bad. For example, “Would you rather be the strongest human being to ever live or the smartest?” or “Would you rather lose your sense of hearing or your sense of sight?”

You can learn a lot about a person by the choices they make in this simple game. Sometimes the questions are so probing they are problematic for the players, so they refuse to answer the question. That’s always an interesting occurrence. For example, suppose you were playing this game with your spouse and kids, and someone asked, “Would you rather abandon your kids for your spouse or abandon your spouse for your kids?” That’s an ugly question to ask, isn’t it? Indeed. Given all objects of your dilemma are present, you may decide not to answer.

Scientists have performed many experiments using this same premise to learn about people. For example:

In one of the most famous experiments in the history of psychology, Walter Mischel and his students exposed four-year-old children to a cruel dilemma. They were given a choice between a small reward (one Oreo), which they could have at any time, or a larger reward (two cookies) for which they had to wait 15 minutes under difficult conditions. They were to remain alone in a room, facing a desk with two objects: a single cookie and a bell that the child could ring at any time to call in the experimenter and receive the one cookie. As the experiment was described: “There were no toys, books, pictures, or other potentially distracting items in the room. The experimenter left the room and did not return until 15 min had passed or the child had rung the bell, eaten the rewards, stood up, or shown any signs of distress.”

The children were watched through a one-way mirror, and the film that shows their behavior during the waiting time always has the audience roaring in laughter. About half the children managed the feat of waiting for 15 minutes, mainly by keeping their attention away from the tempting reward. Ten or fifteen years later, a large gap had opened between those who had resisted temptation and those who had not. The resisters had higher measures of executive control in cognitive tasks, and especially the ability to reallocate their attention effectively. As young adults, they were less likely to take drugs.

A significant difference in intellectual aptitude emerged: the children who had shown more self-control as four-year-olds had substantially higher scores on tests of intelligence.
-Thinking, Fast and Slow by Kahneman, Daniel

This is a very interesting study which has a corollary in the spiritual life. The Bible depicts spiritually intelligent people (aka, those who are more mature in the faith) as possessing abilities, such as self-control, at levels other believers do not. According to the Bible, knowledge precedes wisdom, and the wiser a person is, the more self-control they exhibit. You might say it is primarily because they have the ability to discern outcomes before they make less profitable choices.

Let’s focus on self-control and play this game for ourselves.

Would you rather God bless you abundantly or give you the opportunity to be an abundant blessing for someone else? For example, would you rather God hand you ten million dollars or someone else one million (assuming you cannot give that person any money if you decide to take the ten million)? Is there a threshold where your decision changes? Suppose God only had a total of ten million dollars to give out and He asked you to decide between yourself and someone else, how much would you keep and how much would you give to the other person? What if the currency were lifespan instead of dollars, or reputation, or happiness, or peace? What motivates you to choose one way or another? How does spiritual intelligence factor into a person’s final decision? How may Biblical wisdom help?

And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil…
give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
-Luke 6:34-35, 38

According to Jesus, when a person gives, God gives them something of value in return (e.g., when a person exercises self-control, evidenced by their desire to give more than to keep, for the flesh always prefers to hoard for self).

As we are sanctified by God’s grace, we are made more intelligent. As we become more intelligent, we exercise more self-control. We begin to understand that self-control is a wonderful friend of ours, meant to bring glory to God and blessings to self.

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
-Proverbs 25:28

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.
-1 Corinthians 9:24-25

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
-Galatians 5:22-23

As new believers, we don’t understand the value of self-control. We are, in fact, ignorant of the blessing of exercising it (self-absorbed people usually are). As God sanctifies us, He gives us the wisdom to make more profitable choices. Why do you think we are encouraged to sacrifice our time in order to pray for others? Why do you think Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35)? Without self-control, such things never happen.

A knowledgeable believer understands how godly profit relates to self-control. Many great philosophers have argued that time is the most valuable currency on Earth. How will you use the time given to you? What will be your return on investment?

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.
-2 Peter 1:3-9

My dear friend taught the following principle from my pulpit recently:

We are not here to acquire earthly blessings, but to be a blessing for the Lord and for others, by the grace and power of God!
-Evangelist Scott Grande

The above principle is what prompted me to write this blog to you. Please spend some time digesting it, for it is true wisdom spoken from a man of God who has learned the value of self-control. For example, he could’ve been “spending his currency” (time) somewhere else, but he chose the better thing to do, as a function of self-control. It was through him that I received this pearl of wisdom and was blessed.

Love in Christ,

Ed Collins