Fight Or Flight

The fight-or-flight response (also called hyperarousal, or the acute stress response) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival.
I was sick a few weeks ago and bedridden for a few days. When this happens, I know that God has me right where He wants me, even though, as was the case this time, I may not be a willing participant in His desire to immobilize me (I’m not speaking about the obvious drag of being sick, but about sitting still long enough to have a deep, meaningful conversation with Him about particularly painful subjects). God used this time of sickness to work through a few things that were long overdue, apparently. He also used it to reveal some new things to me, one of which I will share here.

For the most part, I’ve always considered myself a member of the “fight club” (no, not the movie), although the older I get, the less this is true. I’m not as wired as some people are, but I’m certainly never accused of being a “laid back” kind of guy. On most days, all five of my senses are sort of trigger happy, if that makes sense, ready to “fire” at even the slightest provocation. It’s like being on high alert all the time. It got me thinking, “Why am I like this?” If there is a correlation between my childhood and this particular personality trait, I’d really like to know about it. For the record, I don’t go around picking fights; it’s more defensiveness than anything, which is challenging as a pastor because you’re constantly under attack. Add to this a very strong sense of protecting others and you get an idea of how I get out of bed in the morning.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.
Yup, that about describes it. I don my armor and I thank God that His Word and Spirit protect me - God knows how much I need it! I get exhausted some days.

While I laid there in bed, I began to wonder about others I know who might see similar traits in themselves as I do, and then realized that many of them have a similar background as my own. I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist, so take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt (I’m just sharing an observation here), but the common thread is we all endured chaotic and/or abusive childhoods. I’ll stick with the latter here, where said “abuse” can be physical, emotional, or spiritual, or any combination of the three. An abused child is conditioned very early on to be on the defensive. When personal rights are violated over and over again, the child begins assuming a defensive posture or outlook on life, itself. They are so used to having the things held most sacred to them destroyed or taken away that their first response to any kind of stress is fight or flight.

These kids grow up with this learned behavior. To them, it’s sink or swim, nothing less. Situations are dealt with at a higher level of intensity than what is actually required since every interaction represents a potential loss of something held dear. Trust is the key issue, which is why when given a reason to distrust someone, the response is multiplied by some factor over a “normal” response (I don’t really believe “normal” is definable, per se, but I hope you get my point).

When under stress, for us “fighters” in the group, our first response is for our hackles to stand straight up, one foot steps back, and we assume the fighting position (I’m speaking figuratively, in my case, although some people will fight physically at the drop of a hat). We’re going to defend our ground or die trying. For the “flighters” in the group, their response is to run away at the first sign of conflict. Abused children tend to congregate to one side or the other when faced with stress.

Now, here’s the difficult realization that must occur in any of you who may be able to relate to what I’m talking about. This may not be popular to say given the “blame everyone else and seek enablement” culture that we live in, but here goes: this is our problem, no one else’s. Please repeat that to yourself. We must approach such things from God’s perspective, not the world’s. The world will encourage us to point fingers and deflect taking personal responsibility for our own lives. It’ll give us a hundred and one reasons why someone else is responsible for our current condition. Therein lies the trap, my friends.

If you need to forgive someone, then do it and be set free. Do not allow this world to convince you that wallowing in self-pity and pointing fingers is the pathway to your deliverance. It isn’t the way.  Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6a). If you play the victim your whole life, you’ll remain a victim of your own bad decision to do so. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). That is the winning strategy.

For me, it’s been a lifelong process of being sanctified in Truth like I write about here. I forgave those who wounded me years ago, and I seek to forgive immediately whenever someone wrongs me nowadays. I’m certainly not perfect, but I fully expect that God will continue as promised, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). As I’ve been teaching from my pulpit as of late, life is good because God says so. It’s not good or bad depending on our childhoods. Life has been good since before mankind was even created. God is life and He is good. That’s the perspective we need to cling to. As believers, we’ve been given this precious life to enjoy in time. Let’s grab hold of it, then, shall we?!!

I honestly don’t mean to go into long diatribes about how awful people were to me as a child (I had plenty of good times, too) - that’s not my intention at all (it’s not really even your business, anyway, but the Spirit has me share for the sake of context). What I want to do is encourage you to accept who you are in Christ Jesus, remembering that God loves you so much. Abused or not, fighter or flighter, it doesn’t matter when your eyes are squarely locked onto Jesus. In fact, one of the great blessings in this life is to watch God’s sanctifying work in ourselves. Sometimes I can’t believe how far He’s brought me.

I’m not as trigger happy as I once was. I still harbor latent trust issues now and then, but I’m not sure it’s too far off from the “norm” nowadays. And to be honest, in some ways it serves me well as a pastor, given the fact that it keeps me on my toes against the constant onslaught of attacks against me, my family, and my congregation. I’ll always be a fighter; however, by God’s grace, I know better which battles to fight and which to walk away from in prayer.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Love in Christ,

Ed Collins