Lots of people aspire to leadership. Some never make it, while others are thrust into it unawares. I suppose in a perfect world, the right leaders would always be in the right leadership roles. But, as you know, this is hardly the case. Here’s my advice:

To be a good leader, you must first be a great follower. Focus on mastering the latter before pursuing the prior.

I’ve taught my congregation this principle for years. It’s certainly a Biblical concept. For example, the role of pastor in a local assembly must be reserved for mature men of the faith who have also been given the spiritual gift (1 Corinthians 12; Ephesians 4:11-14).

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?

He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.

Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
- 1 Timothy 3:1-7

You might ask, how do you know when someone’s ready to be considered for pastoral ordination? The answer is quite simple. We look for one thing in particular, a heart for others. In other words, we look for the greatest indicator of all for spiritual maturity– love.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
- John 15:12-13

If love is the hallmark of leaders, then obedience is so for followers.

Jesus Christ, Himself, commands us to love others. It’s only when a person’s love bears certain fruit that we’re able to discern their maturity. In a church setting, for example, an aspiring leader must exhibit a desire to “lay down his life” for others. This is the “greater love” that Jesus spoke of. Most people lay down their lives for themselves because with immaturity comes self-centeredness and selfishness (aka, love for self more than others).

A great follower is motivated to serve their leaders out of a sense of duty and obedience to the Lord, who ordains all leaders in this life for His good purposes (Romans 13:1-2). They submit to their leaders because they understand the value of authority in God’s plan for people. An intrinsic fear of and love for the Lord is what drives them.

This same paradigm is laid out in Holy Scripture regarding marriage, which ultimately reflects the divine relationship between Christ (our Husband) and His Bride (the Church), our Master and His slaves (Matthew 23:10).

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
- Ephesians 5:22-27

The family construct cannot be overemphasized in terms of how God intends to teach His children the value of leadership and the way in which we are to cultivate it in our communities. Sadly, it seems nowadays a true authority-oriented family (God -> father -> mother -> children) is rare. Instead, what we see is a landscape strewn with proverbial ‘what not to dos’. Satan often gets blamed, but the truth of the matter is that fathers aren’t what they are supposed to be – most are spineless jellyfish who, although they puff themselves up, are weak and immature and selfish, leaving leadership responsibilities to the mothers. Possibly even sadder is the fact that mothers today are increasingly shirking their own responsibilities, leaving their kids untethered. This translates into generations of insecure kids filled with anxiety.

Poor leadership induces anxiety. Most insecure people I know have daddy issues, minimally, and often mommy issues, too.

Properly functioning families require sound leadership. There’s no substitute, so all preparatory measures must be taken prior to the formation of a family (e.g., future fathers and mothers must first follow the Lord’s lead as individuals).

Like the Apostle Paul, I refer to my congregation as my “family”. I am like a spiritual “father” to them. And guess what? Just like a regular family, some of my “children” follow my lead with joy, while others don’t (they often leave the congregation because they ultimately cannot bring themselves to submit to my authority). Those who have remained are content and grateful, not just to me, but for the whole leadership team. I know because they tell me.

I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. I urge you, then, be imitators of me. That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church.
- 1 Corinthians 4:14-17

Immature men need to focus on following the Lord before attempting to lead a family, regardless of which type. The consequences of ignoring Biblical counsel on this topic are catastrophic.

If it seems like I’m putting a lot of emphasis on men here, I am. Good leadership is always comprised of multiple tiers, starting with the Lord at the top. In families, the next in line is always a man by design. Kudos to women who have filled the gap in the absence of men. Although, over time this has created such a vacuum in the family structure that society has reformatted God’s divine institution for family to normalize dysfunction (e.g., lesbian parents and women “pastors”). While it’s against God’s Word, I can see how such things have transpired in our communities.

Families shouldn’t be stitched together with scraps of leadership. They are supposed to be led by strong men (not dictators, for that’s a sign of weakness) who have learned about leadership by first being great followers. That’s the prerequisite, as God has designed it. This is why we ought to strongly discourage immature men from entering the family construct as leaders (they simply aren’t ready).

Imagine a world where all men were strong and capable. What does that look like to you? To me it is a world where stability reigns supreme, women feel loved, and children feel secure. Sounds a bit like Heaven, doesn’t it?

Love in Christ,

Ed Collins