Following the completion of my stint in the U.S. Air Force, I was tasked with, as they say, “working my way through college”. Until being hired into a formal engineering internship, I worked primarily as a waiter at the breakfast diner my mom owned and operated. I also worked nights at a Chinese restaurant not far from there. This lasted roughly three years. To say that both of these experiences were valuable is an understatement. Ever since, and even more so now, as I grow in wisdom, I have recommended to young folks that they wait on tables at least once in their lives.

Let’s just say that serving others their food and drink is analogous to serving them the Word of God. Even though it is their sustenance that you are serving them, the very thing that keeps them alive, some will spit it out. Others will murmur and complain, threatening to never return (though they often do). And some will say, “Thank you!” While your service remains constant, as does the quality of the food for the most part, the reactions of your customers will vary greatly. Reminds me of The Parable of the Soils (Matthew 13:3-23), but I’ll let you investigate that. :)

So, after three long years of serving people coffee in the morning, you can imagine how proficient I became at it. Like any profession, many of the little nuances that others never even think about actually become vital to a waiter. For example, not spilling the coffee on your walk from the carafe to the tables is a big deal. It sounds silly to be bringing this up, but I’ll get to my point in a moment.

The key to carrying a full cup of coffee as quickly as possible from one place to another is to not look at it. Natural instinct is to watch it the whole way to ensure it’s not spilling, but as it turns out, that is exactly what increases your chances of spilling it! This phenomenon really doesn’t make much sense until you’ve experienced it. You learn to trust that which you cannot see…that your body will faithfully maintain a level cup during your walk. It takes training…or shall I say, retraining?

There are so many spiritual analogies here, but I’ll highlight one that seems immediately relatable for most, especially for the control freaks out there.

The Bible describes believers as members of the same Body, the “body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12). Suppose you’re the eyes in said Body, and you haven’t yet been retrained to trust the hands to “carry a cup of coffee”. So, you naturally keep looking down and sending what you think are appropriate adjustment signals, sort of like the way the central nervous system works in a human body. In other words, since you lack trust in other parts of the Body, you feel the need to “help” control them. What ends up happening, though, is you only exacerbate the situation.

While a person in the Body of Christ is trying to go about their own business, it’s often quite counterproductive to completing the task at hand when other parts of the Body have taken it upon themselves to send “controlling signals” their way. This often confuses and even frustrates them, making matters more difficult than they already are. It also interrupts their training on how to “carry a cup of coffee” on their own.

And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.

As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

— Ephesians 4:11-16

In other words, if I love you, I’ll let you perform whatever it is the Lord has set your hand to do. If I happen to see you “spilling a little coffee”, then so be it. I have to remember that we all learn from our mistakes, arguably much more so than from our successes, even. If I’m too preoccupied with your business, even as a pastor, or a husband, or a father, for example, then I’m actually doing you and the Lord a disservice. I’m no longer “serving” in the Body the way I’m supposed to be serving. I have to trust you the same way you trust me. This is what consummates unity in the Body.

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaint. As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

— 1 Peter 4:8-10

Love and trust are hardly separable. If we share a mutual love, then we share a mutual trust also. If one of us stops trusting the other, we risk spoiling the purity of true love.

Control freaks are those with trust issues. Maybe that’s you. Don’t point fingers now that the Spirit’s got you right where He wants you. Maybe your trust issues are understandable. Maybe you weren’t loved as a child, or maybe you were abused, like I was, by those you were supposed to be able to trust. I understand. And as a recovering control freak, believe me when I say that you are in bondage. Are you ready for this? You are not in control. You are especially not in control of your spouse, your kids, your friends, or anyone else in the Body. So let it go, my friend.

[Jesus Christ] upholds all things by the word of His power.

— Hebrews 1:3b

He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.

— Colossians 1:18

Jesus Christ is the Head of the Body, certainly not you or I. His Spirit has placed each one of us perfectly into His Body (1 Corinthians 12). We shouldn’t be sending “control signals” to other parts of the Body in the name of love. That’s not love, it’s the disruptive flesh hiding behind selective reasoning. True love isn’t interested in controlling others, even those they love the most.

Not that we lord it over your faith, but are workers with you for your joy; for in your faith you are standing firm.

— 2 Corinthians 1:24

The apostle Paul wrote the above to those whom he loved dearly in the Body of Christ. Consider that after Jesus, Himself, there’s never been another human being more gifted with godly authority than an apostle. Yet, the last thing Paul wanted to do was lord over another’s faith, even those much weaker than himself…you know, those still learning how to not “spill a little coffee while carrying it”.

True love isn’t controlling; rather, it’s encouraging!

I recently heard a theologian quoted as saying, “The greater the potential to be used by God, the greater the potential to be used by Satan!” How true that is. The greater our responsibilities to the Body, the greater our power is to wreak havoc in the lives of others. This is especially pertinent to those in authority: pastors, husbands, parents, etc. There’s only one Lord, and it’s neither you nor I. Jesus stated this principle similarly as follows:

From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.

— Luke 12:48b

By the very nature of our being uniquely made and placed in the Body of Christ, we have responsibilities to each other. However, let us not supplant responsibility with control. Our primitive is to love each other. Love isn’t controlling; rather, it’s encouraging (yes, that’s the second time I wrote that). If you know anything about Jesus, you know He epitomized this…and He is the Lord of lords! He is the very manifestation of pure love. The controlling folks never understood Him, just like some of you still don’t understand what I’m writing here. You’ll point to others first instead of looking in the mirror.

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, “Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!” Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.

— Matthew 11:19

Jesus Christ is “wisdom from God” (1 Corinthians 1:30). As He stated in Matthew 11:19, “wisdom [Himself] is vindicated by her deeds.” He was saying that regardless of what is said about a person, whether by themselves or by others, it is their deeds that show their love for others. Controlling people prove themselves un-Christlike. It means they are still in bondage, lacking love and trust, for these things come in pairs. Let us not despair, even so, for the “[Lord] heals all your diseases” (Psalm 103:3b).

In love, may we allow each other the space to grow in His grace and knowledge (2 Peter 3:18). May we learn to trust one another for the sake of unity in the faith (Ephesians 4:13). Instead of sending little “control signals” to other parts of the Body, let’s “encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today’”(Hebrews 3:13a). Let’s not spill any more coffee.

Love in Christ,

Ed Collins