The Voice of My Father

The assistant coach penciled in “K”, for strikeout, on the scorecard…“C’mon, Johnny…damnit!!!” The assistant coach’s shoulders sagged as Johnny’s father, the head coach, threw his hat onto the cinder in front of the little league dugout, creating a little dust storm near his feet. The degrading, tyrannical speech continued publicly, as Johnny slipped by his irate father, wishing he were invisible in that moment. His teammates inside the dugout didn’t know whether to fear for themselves or for the coach’s son, Johnny, who was going to feel it, big time, on the ride home and presumably afterwards. Depression swept over an otherwise bright, sunny day. Some of us would look over to the assistant coach, but he wasn’t looking up from his clipboard…his countenance reflecting a sense of shame.Johnny, an all-star athlete in multiple sports, had fortunately learned how to channel the basket full of emotions he had. What choice did he have, really? Awful. From my perspective in the dugout, looking around my coach’s knees to catch a glimpse of Johnny’s face, I think he seemed even better at it than his teammates. We were all floored the first time we witnessed such an outburst. I was the sensitive kid whose heart broke every time I saw it. As much as I craved a father figure in my life, I knew I didn’t want that (I’m not judging Johnny’s father, for I’m confident they loved each other, so please don’t misunderstand my writing here).“Johnny” represents quite a few kids that I grew up with. I went through the public school system in the same town, with the same kids, starting with the first grade. I saw Johnny grow up and the pain in his eyes never waned, and it never seemed any less gnawing; if anything, by the time we were playing ball in high school, his father seemed more vocal, and not just at baseball games, but football, basketball, and track. Johnny was everywhere…and so was his screaming father. The older we got, the more embarrassing it was…for all of us, too. However, the collective heart went out to Johnny, silently, often with teammates like myself trying to alleviate the sting of his father’s words with a little extra personal encouragement.“Nice job, Johnny,” we’d say, each of us in our own way. He’d say thank you, but you could see it in his eyes, that our ‘approval’ was overcast by the shadow of his father’s persistent disapproval. To this day, it makes me sad. As a father myself, having said things to my own sons that I wish I could take back, the whole scene breaks my heart. Nobody’s perfect, neither father nor son. However, fathers have a special place in the lives of their children. It’s a precious responsibility that’s never afforded “do-overs”. Once the words are out, and the cuts are made, the best anyone can hope for is that they heal quickly and the scarring is minimal.Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

An “exasperated” child is an angry child (the Greek word translated “exasperate” in Colossians 3:21 is erethizo, and it means “to stir up, arouse to anger, provoke, irritate, incite” - Strong’s). Anger is a destructive force and few things are able to contend with it. It doesn’t meld with love, either, when it’s unwarranted. Righteous anger has its place, but it must stay there, never breeching its boundaries and somehow overrunning God’s love.BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.By exasperating their sons, fathers create an opportunity for the devil to gain an advantage. Depending on how long the wounds take to heal, that advantage may exist for a very long time. Satan’s demons know this and will assuredly be inciting fathers like Johnny’s to project their own anger issues upon their undeserving sons. These are a type of the “flaming arrows” the Bible speaks about.Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.The kingdom of darkness is going to fan the flames of anger in fathers; and it’ll do the same with the objects of said anger, the children, as they react. While father fires at son, and son at father, Satan’s got both in his crosshairs. This kind of familial carnage is very effective at distracting people from the things that truly matter in this life, starting with Jesus Christ.I sometimes wonder what Johnny’s life would be like had Jesus been his dad. I can’t say for sure that Jesus wouldn’t have said something like, “I know you could’ve done better than that”, but I can say with certainty that He’d never project anything on His son that was ungodly, misguided, and explosive as a result. Even in His criticism, He’d be looking to edify His son. He’d never lose His self-control and He’d never make any cuts into his son unless he was looking to remove something ungodly.My prayer for Johnny nowadays is that he realizes that he was a whipping boy. He took the lashes when his father lacked the strength to take them upon himself. What Johnny needs to realize is that while he suffered, the truth is that his father was suffering even more in his own soul. Little league outbursts aren’t about the kids, they’re about the adults (I’ve seen my fair share of mothers losing their self-control, too, and it’s no less painful to watch). My heart goes out to Johnny, even today, knowing that it doesn’t have to be this way.Johnny was a good kid. Like any kid, he just wanted to hear his father say, “Son, I’m proud of you - truly”…and he wanted to be convinced of it…no, I’m-proud-of-you-BUT…just peace and love. Now, to Johnny I say that this day may never come. He may long for his father’s approval until the day he dies, aching long after his father dies, even…suffering because a hole exists in his heart that was meant to be filled by one person, his father. Satan wants Johnny to remain a slave to this situation, even as an adult with kids of his own, but I submit the following.For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.If Johnny’s day of reconciliation never comes with his earthly father, may he understand that his Father in Heaven chose his life for him by placing him under the guardianship of his father in time. May he embrace the fact that his father is/was a flawed man, just like the rest of us. May his own anger towards him, or his mother, or anyone for that matter who should have “done a better job”, melt away with the knowledge of his own adoption as a child of God. May he embrace the fact that a greater reconciliation has occurred on the day he was saved.Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.Who knows, maybe before all of this chaos is behind him, Johnny will realize that God placed him into his father’s life so that he’d be pressed down to pleading for deliverance, be saved, and then eventually evangelize the one who exacerbated him. God works in mysterious ways, that’s for sure.And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?Johnny, you were meant for bigger and better things, so says your Father in Heaven, the One who was by your side as you took those lashings from your earthly father, the One who ordained each one, as painful as they may have been, the One who knew you’d be reading this blog this day, filled with love and gratitude. Do not let the sun go down on your anger for even one more day. Your life is precious, for you are a child of God…forgive and be free…and do not listen to the distant echoes of your father’s strained voice…instead, hear the voice of your Father in Heaven, and be at peace.Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Love in Christ,
​
Ed Collins