Who Am I?

In the famous play, Les Misérables, based on the book by Victor Hugo, the lead character, Jean Valjean sings a song titled, “Who Am I?”. He sings this heartfelt song as he reflects back upon his rise from the depths of slavery to social prominence, all while remembering a tremendous, life-changing act of mercy by a bishop who learned of his stealing from his church. When the authorities brought him handcuffed to the church, the bishop didn’t press charges, but rather gave him even more valuables! In that moment, Jean Valjean was changed forevermore, though he never forgot where he came from. Here’s an excerpt from the lyrics:

Who am I?

Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I'm not the man I was before?
And must my name until I die
Be no more than an alibi?

Must I lie?

How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope, when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on!

Who am I?

I’ve seen the play multiple times now and each time I am moved to tears at this scene because it reminds me of how small and undeserving I am, particularly in light of the fact that from eternity past, the Holy God of the Universe chose to save me, electing me to eternal life. Who am I that He would show me this mercy? That single reality is the very basis for my hope in this life. Like Jean Valjean when faced with the prospect of owning up to who he truly was, I don’t ever want to forget where I came from. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8b). God’s love for me is beyond my ability to fully grasp, even now. I’m utterly humbled by it.

Blessed be the LORD, my rock,
who trains my hands for war,
and my fingers for battle;
he is my steadfast love and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
 my shield and he in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.

O LORD, what is man that you regard him,
or the son of man that you think of him?
Man is like a breath;
his days are like a passing shadow.
Life is short. If we compare a lifetime on Earth with eternal life in Heaven, our lives become less than minute. We are infinitesimally small compared to God. Yet, He decided to reach down the annals of time and pluck us from the throes of certain death and eternity in Hell. What kind of mercy is this, I ask? Who am I to receive it? On the grand stage of life, each of us is insignificant by comparison; yet, God has made us significant to Himself. As the Psalmist wrote, “O LORD, what is man that you regard him?...man is like a breath” (v3-4). The truth is humbling.

What is our significance in this life? I don’t have this all figured out yet. I fear that if I say much more I might somehow rob you of the immensity of what the Spirit’s trying to convey to you in this moment. I think I’ll just step back now, having been used as a “[vessel] of mercy” (Romans 9:23) to stir your thoughts a bit. After all, how does mere man suppose he could ever adequately make those kinds of connections in the soul of another? It has to be the work of God, Himself. We call this sanctification, theologically - being made holy for the pleasure of the Holy One.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
Who am I? The best answer is the same one that Paul gave two thousand years ago. “But by the grace of God I am what I am” (1 Corinthians 15:10a).

What say you? Who are you?

Love in Christ,

Ed Collins